Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 12th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph recounts an episode in which Rabbi Yitzchak bar Yosef believed that the esteemed Rabbi Abba owed him a large sum of money. Rabbi Abba, however, maintained that he had already repaid the debt. On the surface, this situation seems perplexing. One might expect sages of their stature to exercise exceptional care in tracking financial matters. Moreover, if there were any uncertainty, it would seem more in line with their piety …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 11th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses a principle regarding halachic agency. While one may appoint an agent to act on their behalf in legal matters, such as purchases, the agency remains valid only if the agent performs as directed. If the agent deviates significantly from their instructions, the transaction is nullified. The Sefer Kevodah Shel Torah frequently uses halachic principles to illuminate or expand upon biblical narratives. In Bereishis (4 …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 10th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph considers the modesty practices of Torah sages, noting that they often avoid paying close attention to a woman’s appearance. Therefore, it advises: Abaye said: A Torah scholar who goes to betroth a woman should take an Am Haaretz (common folk, non-learned person) with him to establish a positive identity of the woman. Otherwise, people might exchange another woman for her when given to him for marriage, taking advan …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

December 5th, 2024

Parashah Vayetzei introduces us to the trickery of Lavan HaArami, a character who stands as a paradigm of deceit and selfishness. The dialogue between Lavan and Yaakov Avinu, starting with the words, “Just because you are my close relative, should you serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be (Bereishit 29:15), opens a window into the complex dynamics between these two figures. At first glance, Lavan's words seem generous, off …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 9th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph records a situation where the sage Abaye suspected through circumstantial evidence that he was being presented with a fraudulent contract. It states that he exerted some form of pressure and coercion in order to induce a confession, and indeed the person did confess. This brings up an interesting point of the reliability of forced confessions. As a result of DNA testing and the Innocence Project there have been numerous s …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 8th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph describes a situation where Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel fought against a situation of price gouging. There was a shortage of sacrificial doves necessary for new mothers to bring as an offering to complete their purification process which led to a price spike. Fearing this would cause people despair and possibly to give up on the whole ritual, he enacted an emergency measure, allowing certain sacrifices to double up even tho …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 6th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud aleph makes an observation about human nature and that certain sins are almost impossible to avoid: The majority of people succumb to sin with regard to financial dishonesty and theft, and a minority of people succumb to sin with regard to sexual matters, and everyone succumbs to sin with regard to malicious speech. The Gemara asks: Can it enter your mind that all people sin with regard to malicious speech? The Gemara answers: …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 6th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud aleph discusses various circumstances where a parchment that was erased can be reused without being vulnerable to forgery. Ordinarily, with the technology of Talmudic times, one couldn’t inkwash the contract and remove or add clauses without the discoloration being noticeable, thus signifying potential forgery. But, if the entire parchment was written on erased material, the Gemara says it would be a valid contract since …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 5th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the standard width of a line in order to determine the acceptable width of a blank section between the closing line of the contract and the witness’s signatures. As we discussed on daf 162, this is a safeguard against cheating, to prevent the later insertion of fraudulent obligations and conditions. The yardstick used by the rabbis is comprised of two words, which contain tall and short letters, so as to a …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 4th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis rules that the final line in the contract can only be a review of the contents, and cannot serve as evidence of any additional obligations or information. This is a safeguard against fraud, as this makes it difficult for a forger to squeeze in additional information between the bottom line of the contract and the witness’s signatures. Sefer Daf al Saf quotes Sefer Haikarim (IV:40) who uses this to add depth to the cl …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 3rd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the possibility that a witness might sign a document using his father’s name alone, without his name, as an identifier, much as different sages used symbols as a signature mark such as a fish or a palm branch. While symbols were accepted and plausible as signatory devices, the Gemara concluded that a person would not use his father‘s name as an identifier, as this would be considered disrespectful. (W …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 28th, 2024

Dear Therapist: Is there a benefit to using therapy just for accountability? I pretty much know what I need to do but I push things off a bit and I find that it helps for me to have someone that I check in with weekly to keep me on my game. I have done therapy in the past for deeper issues but I feel like at this point it's more about taking action. I am considering resuming therapy but mostly just for the goal of being accountable to someone. Pu …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 28th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I enjoy your weekly responses and I think that it has provided me with a lot of insight into my own life. My question is: How would you define self-esteem? Is it the same thing as self-confidence? Is it something that someone can build on their own or must they be born and raised with? I understand that everyone might have a slightly different definition but I think I would appreciate hearing all of your perspectives on this. Than …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 28th, 2024

Originally published on the Nishmat website and on Talli Rosenbaum Humans long for both emotional and physical intimacy and are wired for connection. Most people want to experience a meaningful marital partnership that includes feeling secure, understood, and loved. Physical intimacy provides the opportunity to express that love with connection, joy, pleasure, satisfaction, playfulness, and, sometimes, even with a spiritual connection. Being abl …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

November 27th, 2024

Parshat Toldot offers a fascinating opportunity to explore the psychological concept of delayed gratification, a quality that is central to behavior and personal development. In this Parsha, we find a compelling example of delayed gratification through Yaacov, who ultimately becomes the third of the Avot and father to all 12 Shevatim.   The story of the Parsha primarily focuses on the struggle between Yaacov and Esav, two very different brot …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: We brought up our children simply and we tried to keep them pretty sheltered. Baruch Hashem many are married and have turned out well. One of our teenage boys has decided he was deprived and has now gone completely the opposite way where he says he needs everything he didn't have. Clothes, scooters, electronics, nothing bad per se, but definitely not how he was raised. We have been discussing with his rabbeim where to dr …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My 7-year-old daughter seems to have an unusual temper. I understand it's normal for a kid that age to have tantrums but this is something else. She seems to have actual rage. It is also kind of hard to predict what sets her off. Sometimes she goes to school without a fuss and sometimes she will insist she isn't going and it turns into a huge fight. The "switch" seems to turn off as quickly and unpredictably. What works with …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My husband and I have a wonderful marriage baruch Hashem. We share the same goals and are overall very much on the same page. One area where we keep having arguments is regarding finances. I am much more of a saver and a planner and he has an attitude of "we will figure it out." This is the kind of thing that keeps coming up again and again in our marriage and we just don't seem to have a path that works things out. …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have been struggling for many years with my davening. Many times, I feel that if I only put enough emotion and feeling into my davening, I can get the results that I want. The problem is that forcing myself backfires. It's hard to concentrate on the meaning of the words when trying to create feelings. In my case, I wind up worrying all day about my relationship with Hashem, if I am a good person, and if I am a proper maamin …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I'm curious to hear what the panelists have to say about the following: What is the correct approach that a parent should take when a child expresses their embarrassment about their parents, their parents clothing, cars, house etc.... For example, my teenagers will say, "What you’re wearing is so outdated," "Our house is so messy," "Ma, you can't wear this," "Please pick me up from school in our nicer car …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist:  I have a middle-aged younger brother who lives a depressed, resentful, lonely, unemployed life. My mother, an almanna, has a heart of gold and would do anything to help him. Yet, he gets extremely angry at her when they speak on the phone, and expresses deep resentment to her, which is similar to how he connected with our father a"h. He thinks she favors me over him, among other gripes. On the rare occasion that he visi …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: Around a year ago my son was far along in a shidduch and at a late stage the girl said no. He was devastated at the time which we thought was normal. But it is now a while later and his dating has really suffered from it. He is constantly procrastinating when shidduchim are redt to him and he is an anxious mess when he dates. After every date he agonizes about his decision and, in my opinion, has said no to some very nic …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: It is becoming clear that we are going to need to have our son who is now in 3rd grade go back to 2nd grade after Succos. He is too far behind and we can't provide the support that is necessary to help him maintain grade level. I am not sure how to break this news to him and how to help him so that this will not scar him emotionally or socially. Please advise us how to do this in the most painless way possible. Thank you …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I am worried that my daughter who just went to seminary is spending way too much time at her newly married sister's home. I think she is missing out on the full experience and the chance to make new friends. I am more concerned that it isn't good for my shana rishona couple to have someone in the house all the time. Both my daughters say that I am over reacting and it's not a big deal. I would appreciate your opinion and …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 2nd, 2024

Our Gemara on amud beis explains why the rabbis instituted a variation on the typical get (divorcement bill) that required an elaborate process of folds and stitches to complete it. Essentially, it was a delay tactic: The Gemara asks: And what is the reason that the Sages instituted the tied document? The Gemara explains: There was a place where there were many priests, and they were very quick tempered, and they would seek to divorce their wives …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 1st, 2024

Our Gemara on amud aleph grapples with why relatives are not able to testify. The logical reason is that since they have bias, their testimony is suspect.  The gemara rhetorically asks, “If so, why are Moses and Aaron disqualified from bearing witness for their father-in-law? Could this be because their testimony is not deemed credible? Are we to think that THEY could lie?”  This leads the Gemara to conclude that the disqual …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 29th, 2024

Our Gemara on amud beis states that there is something about the air of the Land of Israel that inspires wisdom.  What is this really about?   From a psychological perspective, it is understandable that the sense of confidence, security and identity that comes with living unapologetically as a Jew in the Jewish homeland certainly can enhance all kinds of creativity and development. Rabbenu Bechaye (Shemos 25:39) actually says somet …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 29th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the idea that there is a degree of responsibility for a child to pay his deceased parent’s debts. The poskim analyzes the nature and basis of this obligation, which also suggest ideas about the limits and obligations of the commandment to honor one’s parents. This obligation is beyond a financial lien, such as if the parent did not leave real estate (in the times of the Gemara, non-real estate holdin …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 28th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud aleph discusses financial protections that the rabbis instituted for young adults, even though past bar mitzvah age: Rather, the Sages maintain that a child’s inclination is to be attracted to money. And if you say that his sale is a valid sale, there may be times that there are potential buyers who rattle the dinars before him in order to tempt him to sell, and he will go and sell all of his father’s property. That …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 27th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses a legal monetary dispute that could potentially be resolved via evidence gained by exhuming a corpse. The Gemara has to weigh the needs of justice versus the prohibition to disgrace a corpse.  The Gemara takes it as a given that disinterment is a forbidden desecration of the human body. The Gilyonei Hashas suggests it fits under the category of halanas hames, the prohibition against leaving a body unburied. …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 26th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses a legalism in regard to contracts. Ordinarily, a contract needs to be ratified by two witnesses testifying that they recognize the signatures of the witnesses who signed on the document. However, there are certain situations where the debtor in the contract inadvertently ratifies it while actually attempting to discredit it. For example, instead of claiming that the contract is false, he claims something like, t …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

November 21st, 2024

Parshat Chayei Sara is often pointed to as the Parsha of Shidduchim, match matching, however it can offer us a powerful insight into the importance of cultivating love. One of the central themes in this parsha is the concept of love and partnership. The marriage between Yitzchak and Rivka provides us with wonderful insights to apply to our own loving relationships.   The passuk says “Vayyikkach et-rivkah vattehi-lo le'ishah vayye'ehave …
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Author: Chaim Neuhoff, Ph.D.

November 17th, 2024

Question: As a teenager our son saw a therapist for a while due to some burnout/slash depression. Baruch Hashem with some adjustments to his yeshiva life and the help he received he is doing amazing and has been for a while. He is still on a low dose of medication which has worked well for him. When he tried going off, he relapsed and our consensus is that it's best for him to stay on it for now. Now that he is starting shidduchim  …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 25th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis notes that most people who fall ill eventually recover. This observation has legal implications in cases where a person on their deathbed bequeaths their estate to someone else, but later recovers. Such directives can be invalidated retroactively if the person recovers, and the estate reverts to its rightful heirs. The rightful air does not have to prove that his father did not in fact die, because in those cases he would …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 24th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses a type of legal deed known as a dayetikei. While this document shares similarities with other legal titles and deeds, it often specifically refers to a will or an estate bequeathal. A beautiful Midrash (Yalkut Shimoni, Nach 968) uses the term dayetikei in a parable to explore humanity’s relationship with desires and the Evil Inclination (Yetzer Hara): There was a man who frequently traveled to an inn for bu …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 22nd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph explores whether tefillin fall under the category of nechasim. Are they excluded because of their sacred status and their unsuitability for sale, or are they included due to their utility as items worn on the body, similar to clothing? (See Rashbam, Sefer Torah.) The notion of tefillin as a type of malbush (clothing) brings to mind the Maharal’s (Be’er HaGolah 4) explanation of the metaphysical significance of …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 22nd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the scope of assets included when a gift giver uses the word nechasim—an umbrella Aramaic term for possessions and assets. Does this term encompass movable property, cattle, and cash, or is it restricted to real estate? The word nechasim has an ancient and enigmatic etymology, lacking clear Hebrew or Aramaic roots. The Maharal (Nesiv HaOsher 2) highlights this and notes that there are four primary terms for …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 21st, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis further discusses the status of a deathbed gift and whether such a gift is automatically retracted if the person miraculously recovers. To assume an implied condition that would reverse an explicitly granted gift, there must be unambiguous evidence that this was the giver’s intention. Therefore, the rule only applies if the person gave away all his possessions, leaving nothing behind. Such actions indicate someone wh …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 20th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis continues discussing the status of deathbed gifts. One feature of these gifts is that if the person miraculously recovers, the gifts are reversed, as it is assumed the person most likely did not intend to give them away if he were going to survive. However, strong evidence is required to support this assumption, and thus the rule only applies if the person gives away all of his possessions, leaving nothing behind. Such act …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

November 19th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis explains the reasoning behind the extra legal power granted to a person on their deathbed to make gifts without requiring physical acts of acquisition (kinyan) to signify the transfer of ownership. In such cases, words alone suffice to effectuate the transfer: The halakha that the gift of a person on his deathbed does not require an act of acquisition is merely by rabbinic law, instituted lest he see that his will is not b …
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