Our Gemara on amud aleph discusses the finely nuanced meaning of the Hebrew word Yidbku (root=D-V-K) which means to be attached, and how this is used to understand an aspect of inheritance when described in the Torah (Bamidar 36:7,9). One of the prooftexts  used to support that this word means “attached” comes from an iconic verse in Bereishis (2:24), that describes the psychological process of romantic attachment:

Hence a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, so that they become one flesh.

This verse speaks of the important psychological principle that for a marriage to succeed, there needs to be a degree of healthy separation and boundary making from one’s parents. However, there is an exegetical and halachic problem with this verse.  In fact, there is no such suspension of the requirement to honor one's father and mother over one’s wife. While a married woman is considered exempt from honoring her parents if their wishes present a contradiction to her own duties toward her husband (see Shulchan Aruch YD 240:17 and Shach), apparently, it only applies to woman, not a man. The verse is speaking from the vantage point of a man, which is then quite the opposite! Does a man cling to his wife’s wishes or his parents? There is an exception to a son’s requirement to obey his parents in that a man may choose a wife, even if it is contrary to his father’s wishes (ibid Ramah 25).  We could then understand the verse in the most literal sense, that one leaves his father and mother to cling to his wife, by the very fact that he chooses his wife, even contrary to his parents’ wishes. This does not seem likely as the full intent of the verse.  

We may turn to Targum Onkelos who interprets the verse differently.  He translates: Hence a man leaves the sleeping quarters (Aramaic =Beis Mishkavei) of his father and mother and clings to his wife, so that they become one flesh.

It is unlikely that Onkelos literally meant sleeping quarters, as even though they did have smaller homes, and though it is likely younger children who nursed longer may well have spent early parts of childhood in their mother’s bed, it couldn’t be that a man went from his parents’ bedroom to his marital home!  We might say Onkelos used the Aramic word Beis Mishkavei because it is simply the Aramic idiom for home of origin. Even if so, the meaning of this is not one of the technicalities of kibbud av v’em, but rather the psychological realities and the necessity to properly individuate from one’s parents in order to form a marital bond and union.  That is a man may be fully obligated to respect his parents even after marriage, but he now is an autonomous person. Sexuality and romance require a sense of self and confidence that cannot easily be achieved if a person is too emotionally dependent upon their parents. The intensity of these emotions are not well managed without a strong, healthy ego. An excessive need for approval, a fear of being independent, or a sense of guilt and undeservedness will interfere with emotional and sexual bonding.

Rabbennu Bechaye (Bereishis 41:51) comments on the Hebrew word nashani (root = N-SH-N) which means to forget.  He says the Talmudic term for a woman’s home of origin is Beis Nsha which is usually translated as, “the women’s home”. But Rabbennu Bechaye says it means, perhaps as a play on words, “The Home that must be forgotten.”  He is alluding to this idea that in order to form a bond with one’s spouse, certain childhood attachments need to be forgotten and released. Forget old patterns and start fresh.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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