Our Gemara on Amud Aleph tells us that the Hebrew word Malkosh, a necessary rain for the crops to grow, hints at one of its deeper purposes. Mal-Kosh, “it circumcises the stubborn heart of the Jewish people”. An uncircumcised heart is used in Scripture as a metaphor for some type of blockage or defense against attachment to God and His service. As in, Devarim (10:16)
וּמַלְתֶּ֕ם אֵ֖ת עׇרְלַ֣ת לְבַבְכֶ֑ם וְעׇ֨רְפְּכֶ֔ם לֹ֥א תַקְשׁ֖וּ עֽוֹד׃
Cut away, therefore, the thickening about your hearts and stiffen your necks no more.
Here, this essential rain fulfills that function because when it does not rain, people begin to feel desperate and repent.
God is not cruel and does not want to torture us in order to get us to repent. As we saw in psychology of the Daf Taanis 3, evil suffering comes from our disconnection from God, which is a product of our own choices.
There is something that comes before repentance. And that is this pattern of behavior that we are referring to over here. It is removing barriers from one’s heart and becoming open to an experience. In other words, vulnerability and humility.
This is not only true in relationship with God, but it is true in relationship with anybody whom we love Or we wish will love us. It is easy to get angry, self-righteous, and self-justifying. Few of us take advantage of the simple power of being humble and vulnerable.
Imagine you are very hurt about something. Imagine you are even absolutely right. The other party rarely is going to agree with you, at least not at first. And, there is always the possibility that you still are wrong. What is the best way to talk about your pain? Is it to attack the other person, or criticize them? No. Remove the hardness from your heart and talk about your own pain and your own vulnerability. Instead of saying, “you did this wrong, you did that wrong“, or “you are a this or a that”, try talking about what is really happening for you. Say something like, “I’m in a lot of pain right now. I’m wishing for love. And wishing for reassurance. You might have had good reasons for doing what you did or saying what you said. Maybe, you meant it totally differently, I don’t know. I do know that this hurt me very badly and now I’m in a bad place. Are you open to hearing about my pain?”
In relationships, especially relationships of people who want to be in love with, vulnerability, instead of demands, is the way to go.
A word of caution: this is not simply sophistry and word tricks. Just as one can pray with drama and flare but on the inside still not humble themselves, some people use his communication tools but deep down they don’t really feel it. They talk about, “my experience is”, or my with a lot of external drama and flare but on the inside still not of humble themselves, some people use these communication tools a deep down they don’t really feel it. They talk about, “my experience is“, or “my feelings are feelings are”… when the emotions that are going on in their heart is really, I’m angry at you, I demand of you etc. The problem is, when it comes to matters of the heart you cannot for anyone else no more than when you pray can you fool God.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation 
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