Our Gemara on Amud Aleph clarifies that though we have the principle, אֵין קָטֵיגוֹר נַעֲשָׂה סָנֵיגוֹר a prosecutor cannot become an advocate, that only applies to the Holy of Holies. That is, the Cohen Godol does not wear Gold as it is reminiscent of the sin of the Golden Calf. However, that restriction only applies to services that are performed in the innermost intimate and holy space, not outside.
By way of metaphor, there is wisdom to be gleaned from this in regard to relationships as well. Elsewhere in Psychology of the Daf (for example Yoma 3) I have noted that there is a theological and psychological connection between the bedroom and the Holy of Holies.
In today’s daf, I will discuss another aspect of this. While of course it is important in relationships to discuss grievances, share disappointments, and hopefully obtain forgiveness and healing for various transgressions, the bedroom and moments of sexual intimacy are NOT good times to do so.
There are many marriages where there is so much pain and hurt that it is difficult for one partner or the other to be sexual. It is unhealthy psychologically to perform sex out of duty or obligation and halakhically problematic as well (see for example Rashi Niddah 17a “Oneis”.) Whatever healing and processing that needs to be done should be done. However, love and romance are separate processes and so when you are ready to be sexual, focus on the positive and focus on what feels loving and good. Talking about past pain ALLOWS for a closeness and love to develop, but it is NOT the same as love and closeness.
אֵין קָטֵיגוֹר נַעֲשָׂה סָנֵיגוֹר מִבִּפְנִים
We do not bring up all the bad stuff in the most intimate holy space. Yes, the cohen prays to God and becomes close to Him during the service in the Holy of Holies, but he doesn’t remind God about Idolatry.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation 
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