Our Gemara discussed various leniencies that can be enacted in order to maintain a feeling of joy on Yom Tov, such as making sure certain foods are available. This got me wondering about people who find it challenging to enjoy Yom Tov.
The Shalah (Aseret HaDibrot Shabbos Ner Mitzva) quotes a Kol Bo that discusses a state of being called “Yiush Simchas Yom Tov”, giving up on the the joy of Yom Tov. There are people who experience trauma and strife during Yom Tov, instead of Joy. This usually comes from one of three reasons:
- Family members remain in close quarters for extended periods of time without the usual distractions of work, school, and electronics. The psychological pressures of relational dysfunctions build up and become more felt, as there is little room for escape. Couples that are in states of a conflict and adolescents that don’t get along well with their parents are often most vulnerable to “Yom Tov Psychosis”.
- Another common reason for heightened emotional difficulty during the Yom Tov season is that people tend to become more religiously scrupulous due to their wish to be extra holy during these times. The problem is, that some have a distorted sense of priority and a distorted sense of what is merely God-fearing versus what is unfair and dictatorial. Family members may be driven to despair under the overly rigid demands, or sometimes the person himself might be overwhelmed with his or her own internal standards.
- A final reason is the cyclical life cycle nature of the holidays. Thus, people that come from dysfunctional families May be flooded and overwhelmed with traumatic memories from past holidays, triggered by sights, smells and family members whom they may feel obligated to spend Yom Tov with.
Obviously, none of these concerns have a quick fix. However, Simchas Yom Tov is a value in our sacred tradition. It is good for the heart and it is good for the soul to experience joyous spirituality and family time. Perhaps certain situations can be moderated if anticipated in advance and agreed-upon to some kind of compromise. A teenager could be told that if a certain situation becomes emotionally overwhelming and frustrating, that he or she can ask for a break and take a “get out of jail free card“. A spouse that has to contend with an overly rigid, overly scrupulous spouse might be able to ask for certain things to be agreed-upon in advance, that they are simply accepted without further discussion or involvement. What constitutes enough rain that we leave the Succah or what kinds of chumros will be adopted this year versus relaxed, for the sake of having an overall functional family experience. Of course some people are very difficult to work with, yet most people can be worked with a little better and a little easier when discussed in advance.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation 
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