Our Gemara on Amud Beis tells us:
There are three whose lives are not lives, and they are as follows: One who looks to the table of others for his sustenance; and one whose wife rules over him; and one whose body is ruled by suffering.
Ben Yehoyada says the main issue of concern regarding “letting one’s wife rule over him”, is relying on your wife for financial support. There is support for his interpretation because the Gemara uses the same Hebrew word for all three cases of dependency, moshel “ruled by”, which implies a similarity of concepts. In this case, we are dealing with a person who allows external fears and elements, be they finances, or even physical ailments to dominate the spirit. Of course, it is far easier said than done. However, the truly free person is emotionally independent and finds peace inside, regardless of external circumstances. May we never be tested with intense chronic pain, and yet this is still true. There are people who are in constant chronic pain who nevertheless transcend and function fully. I know my father ZT’L operated that way.
Funny story. One time, he had to have an x-ray of his spine for some unrelated reason to any particular pain. The doctor noticed extensive bone spurs. The doctor told my father, “You have a lot of bone spurs, you should be in a lot of pain.” For the next few days, my father reported that he was feeling a great deal of pain in his back. I told him as soon as you forget about the diagnosis it is going to stop hurting, because that’s how you work. (At that time, my father was already a survivor of a terrible pedestrian-car accident that required 13 reconstructive surgeries, and much scarring and damaged vascular and bone tissue, so I knew what I was talking about.) It happened exactly as predicted, he got busy with his usual exciting and demanding teaching schedule, and forgot completely about his bone spurs and felt no more pain. I never reminded him about the bone spurs for obvious reasons.
Regarding the concern about dependency on one’s wife for financial matters, many couples today follow a more egalitarian, shared structure of wage earning and domestic responsibilities. This is an obvious, and not necessarily problematic outcome of modern urban life. I think there are ways that this can work out well, if there are still acknowledged areas of dominance. I mean to say, couples can agree that one spouse has expertise or responsibility in a particular area and thus have dominance, while in a different area it can be the reverse. Then it is up to the person who has dominance to listen and fully take into account the other person’s view, and then strive to find ways to compromise or integrate both points of view. Ultimately, though, the veto power and decision power remains in the hands of the person who is dominant in that area, so as to avoid impasses.
Dominance is agreed upon based on logic and collaboration. For example, a couple might agree that the husband has dominance in chinuch decisions of the boys and the wife has dominance in chinuch decisions of the girls. Or the husband might have dominance in halacha and the mother in discipline, decisions about where to live, and aspects of social/emotional welfare. Usually there is one spouse who is naturally better with finances and budgeting and another spouse who is naturally better at aesthetics. These areas do not have to be set in stone, but they should be agreed upon and only every now and then re-evaluated if a change is necessary.
If a couple does not relate with respect, none of this will work as there will be conflicts about matters that overlap between areas of dominance such as chinuch and halacha, or finances and social emotional/welfare. There has to be respect and a willingness to compromise and work together otherwise no trick is clever enough to avoid power struggles. Remember, a person can somehow turn a sword into a plowshare but equally turn an olive branch into a whip. Tools are only as good as those who use them.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation 
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